mother: is it a boy or a girl?
doctor: *puts baby between teeth* it’s a metaphor
WHY DO PEOPLE CALL IT FUCK, MARRY, KILL WHEN THEY COULD CALL IT BED, WED, BEHEAD
Or, as King Henry VIII likes to call it, a productive evening.
IF YOU EVER GET IN A FIGHT WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER JUST BREATHE IN THE HELIUM OUT OF A BALLOON AND HAVE AN ARGUMENT AND THE FIRST ONE TO LAUGH LOSES
HOW DOES POPCORN EVEN DO THAT THING
HERE I SHOW YOU THE THING
this is the most majestic thing i have ever seen in my entire life
it’s like a ballet